Not to mention, you’d have the perfect urinal right there with you!

Yo dawg…

No no, you’ll need slugs if you want to hole-punch any body armor.

Not that I would know what you aim on using your wireless hole-punch for.

funderstandable, have a nice day

D

Is he? Because I can recite the lyrics from memory and I can’t recall singing anything about the tangerine toddler terrorist.

Mental acrobatics. Mental Cirque du Soleil, if you will.

all excellent contenders as well, yes, though I’m not sure Greene’s space lasers insanity was a big enough “thing” to qualify for a verse

Off the top of my head: Iraq, 9/11, the PATRIOT act, Afghanistan (and the withdrawal), Katrina, Obama, Trump (and maybe a mention for J6), the Ukraine war, the Uyghur genocide, Snowden, the Panama Papers, Epstein, the Gaza genocide, the Queen dying, and maybe a snarky verse referencing Liz Truss and the lettuce.

If you have a swiss army knife with one, use the awl to punch a new hole in the belt. Worked great for me.

Well, if you have an awl handy you could always just make new notches. That’s what I did when I had a belt that didn’t have a hole at the right spacing for me.

Counter-counterpoint: if you, on the other hand, wrap your lips around the spigot while drinking – you have exactly ten seconds to get the fuck out of my sight you absolute gremlin.

I mean, your “starting ingredients” as it were definitely came from someone’s nethers, but I suppose if you want to be pedantic.

Nearly?

If you’re regularly getting accosted by magic trees in your daily life, I would gently suggest either a psychiatric appointment or a trip to rehab.

“Hello and thank you for calling. At the tone, please hang up and text me instead. Have a nice day.”

don’t forget Grave of the Fireflies (1988), a heartwarming animated tale of siblings sticking together through adversity in Japan.

So, anyway, yeah… I don’t know why they left the great pussy tightening subplot out of the movies.

well you know, I’m beginning to think this Coppola fellow simply didn’t know true art when he saw it, after reading all that. That could’ve been a wonderfully surreal addition to spice up the trilogy.

I have been told every day for the past year that I am overreacting by my family and some friends, and bit by bit watching those calls to calm down get more diminutive and less dismissive has been the only bittersweet kind of schadenfreude I’ve had all year, save for when Kirk got perforated.

I would rather have been wrong. I would rather see even just the same inept, ineffectual buffoon we saw during his first term – let alone someone else in office, that would have been a dream – and Charlie Kirk still alive, than whatever in the kentucky fried fuck is going on right now. But we’re here, Horst Wessel is dead, they’re going to build their own Arc de Triomphe (which I fully believe Trump is, in fact, vain enough to have named the Arch of Trump or something similar), and I’m just… moving through doors waiting for when someone else wants to start helping me pack suitcases. I can’t escape alone, if this keeps going where it sure looks like it’s going then I want out, and the family has not been taking this seriously at all. So watching them, in real-time, come to the same conclusion I had well over a year ago has been the only thing that’s even kind of motivated me that I might not end up gassed when Nick Fuentes is installed in some cushy bureaucratic office signing death warrants for undesirables.

That isn’t the future I guarantee, but it’s a possible enough one now that I do not want to stick around and wager it doesn’t happen. Sooner or later, they’re gonna run out of brown and trans people to disenfranchise and they’ll need new enemies. Adolf Hitler was quite happy to dial back his anti-jewish rhetoric during times when he needed more public support, if you read about the years leading up to WWII. Right now, gay people are just barely acceptable to some republicans. It was the last culture war they “lost” in gay marriage getting passed, and now even that is in jeopardy.

If this keeps going in the direction I suspect it’s going, I and a lot of other people in the US are not long for this world if we do not get the fuck out. I want to be wrong. I have wanted to be wrong about this, every day, for the past year and change. And yet, so far, they have not just met but even exceeded my own dismal expectations. Did Hitler kidnap any heads of state before being officially at war with them? in 1934, merely a year after taking office? I don’t shed any tears for Maduro but what the tap-dancing Christ are we doing?