A noose. Or C4 if you’re feeling adventurous.

You’re almost there, don’t quit now

The rhyme structure is off, but I like it better anyway

See ya in 10,000 miles

They tried that, and during the early 2000s, teenagers were hanging themselves with iPod headphone wires. That’s why Apple invented Bluetooth— so people like you could torture everyone else with existentialism

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What is this, the 90s? I’m too busy guilt tripping my parents over gasoline cars.

Seems like if you knew about the piggy and the hairy you’d keep your mouth shut

Terrible people are allowed to do the right thing sometimes. Isn’t that what we hope they would do, after all?

Holy shit, that feels like 100 years ago

I don’t mind a pillow talk, but some people are just bad at it

I don’t wear my street clothes to bed.

Besides, I sweat like a pig in my sleep for some reason, so there’s no point in bathing first.

yeah. he’s right. what’s the problem with that?

I’m also bigoted against Nazis, which I suspect he might also have a problem with…

Shit, I woke up at 5 AM and didn’t watch the finale of daredevil!

No good. I can’t pay attention to anything for more than five seconds, and I can’t sit still.

And then I get horny

I don’t like sugar in my coffee

my “cup” of coffee

crying… laughing…?

because I am

If you actually thought of me, you’d know that I don’t have an Instagram account

You might not be aware, but Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep are in a movie together called the Devil wears Prada, and in the sequel, a Devil wears Prada 2, which just came out this weekend.

Meryl Streep plays Anne Hathaway’s boss

I don’t think so…

Appropriately a film about resisting Nazis with original, handcrafted songs sung by the indomitable Julie Andrews

Be like Julie Andrews