Great, I can solve all these problems with 3 wishes. I wish to be a sentient robot that’s indistinguishable from a normal human being. I wish for a steady supply of spar parts in case any piece of me breaks. And my last wish is that I have the capability to repair, upgrade and enhance myself as I see fit.

But PVC does melt unlike schrapnel, so there’s no problem if they set your abdomen on fire.

The leaders will get nice cushy jobs in Israel as consultants.

Pull trigger to continue.

That depends on the bear’s tactical training, if the bear went through bootcamp then it’s one slap, if the bear is also a SEAL then it’s half a slap.

Somebody should infiltrate the incel community and convince them that they can get women by dressing up like cats and making baby sounds

I love this, I hope it turns out JD Vance is possessed by demons or something

I’m quite certain that it was a moth on the silence of the lambs poster and not a butterfly

I interviewed for a position as a PA at a film production company when I was about 19. The producer who interviewed me used to work for an uncle of mine, the whole interview was the producer telling me about how my uncle used to dip out of shoots because he was seeing hookers. It made me deeply uncomfortable.

Spudelia, Spudtinca, Spudcy, Spuddaya, Spuddey, Spudtilda. These are all viable names, I suggest you rename your child.

It’s all the nicotine in the breast milk

Your desktop was cluttered so Microsoft AI agent formatted your hard drive. Please insert your credit card number to buy a new windows license.

Great, maybe Trump can start issuing war bonds and bring back the gold standard

I expect you to double-cross me, that’s half the fun!

But you can raid your neighbors shelter with guns. You can also hunt others. Guns present all sorts of novel opportunities in the wasteland.

I think you might be a kung fu master

Now you just need a gunpowder powered pulley system that whips your massive dong out of your fly after the motorized zipper opens your pants.

You’re my favorite writer. Happy to see you’re still alive!

They still have the McRib in Taiwan

TIL Grimace is supposed to be a taste bud